The Winter Itch

About once a year it strikes me.

This strong urge to quit my job and make a living doing something creative and crafty, something messy and artsy.

I think maybe it comes when the snow falls and I am basically housebound for the next 6 months. Maybe it's just the Christmas spirit. I don't know.

But every year around this time, I feel this strong pull. This desire to sand and paint and distress whatever I can get my hands on. To try new things. To actually get renovations done around the house, and finish projects long-abandoned in the garage.

And every year I start thinking. "Wouldn't it be nice to do this for a job? To just MAKE stuff in my free time and sell it? I could totally do this!"

And every year I go searching for the THING that I can do. There is already someone in our tiny town who makes handmade furniture. Another who makes shelving, wall decor, potato bins and benches. Another who refinishes old furniture and sells it. A lady who sews baby headbands and clips. A lady who makes cloth diapers....

I feel like anything I do will be stepping on someone else's toes and infringing on their business. And I also know logically that in a tiny town, any "crafty" business I come up with will not make enough to cover my paycheques.

But every year, the urge returns. I enjoy my job. I love my job, actually. But I do feel like it is what I am supposed to be doing for a season in my life, and in a few years I will be needing to move on. I want so desperately to carve out a job for myself where I can stay at home and be my own boss...which is what I already do :) It's just that childcare is very draining, and very...life sucking.

I enjoy it but I can see myself burning out in a few years. And as my children get older I know I will really struggle with my lack of flexibility. I have no days off, vacation is just another word for sucking our savings account dry. There is no "Can I get off work early today?" or "Can I sneak out for my kids' XYZ?" It's just me, all day every day, with no breaks or time off keeping the place running.

One day, I have a feeling that when I am missing out on my kids' special school assemblies and someone else is driving them to soccer practice and piano lessons, I will be done. And I want so badly to have something to fall back on. Something I can do to make money for my family, something I enjoy as much as the job I have right now. But something that is flexible with my time and gives me the freedom I am so lacking at this stage of my life right now.

Maybe one day I will figure out what that THING is.

But for now, I will content myself with snuggling the children I have the privilige of caring for during the day, and filling my evenings with making clay ornaments and crafting wreaths out of feather boas. After all, I've got it pretty good.