My "Being OK" story . . .

7 months ago, I would have said I was fine. Not GREAT, but fine. Life was busy and sometimes stressful, but overall I was enjoying life. I was OK with where I was.

7 months ago, we welcomed our second daughter into the world. And she was perfect, and I loved her fiercely from the first second I laid eyes on her. She has been an absolute joy ever since.

But along with that amazing little bundle, came a flood of hormones and emotions that weren't so amazing.

The first weeks after Emma was born I was very emotional. I remember one night when she was a few weeks old, my husband came home from work and we were having a conversation about how his day was. Tears began to roll onto my cheeks, unbidden. I kept reassuring him that "No, no, I am fine. I'm not even sad I just can't stop crying!"

The random crying jags came to an end, but the crazy hormonal roller coaster only accelerated. I went back to work running a busy daycare in the lower level of our home when Emma was not quite 8 weeks old and the added stress and pressure of suddenly working 9-10 hour days combined with my already fragile emotional state brought me to my breaking point.

There wasn't one particular thing that was awful. Work, although very busy and demanding of me, was going well and I was getting to spend my days with my daughters. My husband was home on parental leave lending a hand and helping with Emma during the night so I could get some sleep. My older daughter had adjusted well to the new baby and Emma was proving to be a very contented happy little thing.

So what was it? I don't know exactly. I think it was just too much of everything. Adjusting to being a mom of 2, instead of 1. Having a husband suddenly around and underfoot, messing with my routine and my quiet during the day. Going back to work before I was ready because I felt pressured to. Working too many hours on too little sleep. Doing all of the cleaning and housework after becoming accustomed to a weekly housekeeper that we could no longer afford, because of the husband's parental leave. Taking on a second job on the weekends so that we can afford a bathroom renovation.

All I know is, I suddenly found myself sobbing behind the wheel of my car in the driveway late at night so no one would hear me. Crying myself to sleep at night. Struggling to get up in the mornings because I was dreading the day ahead. Slogging my way through each day, losing my temper, having a bad attitude, and feeling incredibly sorry for myself all the while.

I had added 29 Lincoln Avenue to my blog reader, after reading "Hope For The Weary Mom" earlier this year and one morning I was scrolling through my blog reader when I saw "How To Be OK With Where You Are" in big letters.

 I froze.

 I stared at the screen for a minute and then clicked.

Every Monday in the weeks that followed I went to my computer and read Stacey's posts. Really read them. Digested them. Took notes, copied quotes into my prayer journal.

And I prayed.

It took me a few weeks but one night I finally admitted to my husband and, in a way, to myself that I was not ok. And I admitted it to God. Like Stacey said, He already knows - you can't surprise God! Even if He wasn't surprised, there is a freedom in admitting it to Him that comes with humbling yourself enough to look, truly look, at yourself. He looks down and sees us, buried up to our neck in our mess, and yet so many times we just dress it up and pretend it's not really there.

It's only when we finally acknowledge just what a fine mess we are in that He can rescue us.

And He is doing just that. As I work through removing my veil of fine and giving it up to the One who knows anyway, I am finding release. I would be lying if I said I sit here, totally ok and happy with where I am. I'm not. Not yet.

But God isn't finished with me yet. He's still working. And I am inching my way out of this mess . . . some days clinging, rather than standing on the promises. Some days the comparison monster rears it ugly head and I find myself fighting insane jealousy toward my true "stay at home mom" friends who don't work 2 jobs. Some days I fail miserably at everything and I go to bed feeling like a total failure and I am not even sure where I am going to find the energy to face the morning.

But He is always faithful. I may be stumbling and taking steps in the wrong direction half the time, but He is leading me out of this.


You can buy Stacey's new book on Amazon!

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up. God is our salvation.

 -Psalm 68:19

(this post contains Amazon affiliate links)

Things Motherhood Has Taught Me #1

That my kitchen sink will overflow almost exactly 20 minutes after I walk away from running the dishwater.

Apparently I should not just "Run up and grab the baby because she's crying" without turning off the water first. Thank goodness my sink was designed to overflow into the second basin first before sloshing onto the floor because after I grabbed the baby, I also changed a diaper and sat down to watch the last 15 minutes of Land Before Time with Brook . . . I didn't remember that I had started running the dishwater until I was walking down the hallway and heard the sound of water dripping.

Actually, I didn't remember then either. I had no idea where the sound was coming from and I checked the garage first; it wasn't until I walked into the kitchen and saw the bubbles floating over the edge of the counter and down my cabinets that I remembered.


Now I know.

Baby Essentials

I hesitated to call this list "Essentials", because what is essential to one person may not be for someone else. In fact, I found that some of my favorite things when Brooklyn was a baby have been all but ignored this time around. Different babies = different needs. For example when Brook was a baby, I loved the sleepers that had the little fold-over sleeves because she was forever scratching herself with her long fingernails. Emma hasn't even needed a single clipping of her nails yet, and has never scratched herself so I've only folded her hands into the little sleeves a few times, usually at night when her hands get cold because she hates having them swaddled.

So consider this a roundup of my favorite items for the newborn stage - you decide for yourself which ones are essential or not!





1. Receiving blankets/burp cloths.

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

When I was pregnant with Brooklyn, my mom sewed us about a dozen huge receiving blankets, and she made us another set when Emma was born! On any given day, you will find these strewn all about the house; we use them for E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.


 - To tuck under her chin when she eats; she's a messy eater and gets milk all over her clothes otherwise

 - To lay over my shoulder when I burp her, or when she's sick and her nose is running. Keeps my clothes clean :)

 - We have a receiving blanket rolled up inside her carseat. The infant head support is still too large for her, so this helps fill in the gap and makes sure she fits nice and snug inside.

 - We also use a second receiving blanket to tuck her into her carseat. She tends to be quite warm, and using a heavy blanket means that she just gets overheated and fussy.

 - When Brooklyn was a baby, her lamp was too bright and we used to drape a receiving blanket over the shade for middle of the night diaper changes. Not sure I'd recommend that, as it could be a fire hazard but in our sleep deprivation it seemed to do the trick.

 - I also lay one down on her change pad if I expect that it's going to be a particularly messy diaper change. We have two removable change pad covers that are washable, but it seems like in those first few weeks we were spending more time changing and washing those covers and they were rarely ever on the change pad for diaper changes because they were always in the wash. A receiving blanket is easy to lay down first and much easier in my opinion to toss in the wash. Keeps my fancy covers clean and looking cute :)

 - Who needs expensive swaddle blankets? Ask the nurse at the hospital to give you a quick tutorial on how to get a tight wrap, and a receiving blanket works quite nicely.

 - The large receiving blankets make perfect nursing covers!



 I could go on all day, but let's just say we find them very useful and I would recommend having a lot of them, especially the really large ones.




2. Cloth wipes.

Source: lebabyshop.com

Even if you choose not to use cloth diapers, having a few cloth wipes on hand is a really good idea. If baby gets a diaper rash, a soft damp cloth is so much gentler on their sore bottom than a chemical filled, scented cold disposable wipe.

I have also learned that they get the job done so much faster. One cloth wipe ( I just use baby washcloths, but any soft material cut into squares will work) can do the job of 3 or 4 disposable wipes. They really do clean up messes much faster and easier!




3. Fisher Price Cradle N Swing

We have most of the typical baby gear . . . a vibrating bouncy chair, a jolly jumper, a bumbo chair, a playmat. But the place where both my girls have spent the most time is definitely this swing. In fact, the first two weeks Emma slept in her swing all night long. She seemed to need to be snuggled, and if she wasn't in our arms she would just cry. Laying her down, even swaddled, in a flat bassinet or crib just wasn't cutting it for her. Our swing is contoured on the sides and has an infant head support, so she feels like she is being held when she lays in it. Those first weeks when she was so teeny and new, the swing seemed to be the only place she felt safe. Everywhere else she would throw up her little arms in alarm as if she felt like she were falling.

I love this swing specifically because it plugs in. Swings that only run on batteries can cost a lot of money if you are constantly needing to buy replacements, as most of them use 4 D batteries at one time! We love that we don't have to keep purchasing batteries, but we have the option to use batteries if we need to (it's great when the power goes out!) I also love that it has the option to swing in two different directions and it comes with tons of options for sound effects and music.




4. A sling or wrap.

I have a Peanut Shell  classic sling and I highly recommend it simply because it's easy. No tying and wrapping, no adjusting of any straps or anything. Just fold it in half, slip it on and baby goes right inside. Easy peasy.

 When you have a new baby you will find yourself saying things like "I can never get anything done around here" and "I didn't get anything done today".

 Well, this sling is how you get "anything done".

 Even at her fussiest, I can pop Emma in here and she calms right down. I also really like that I can get in my snuggle time and watch her WHILE I get things done; sometimes I feel guilty if she lays in her swing for too long because she's all alone. The sling lets me have my hands free but we are still getting in some good bonding time as well. Win win!



5.Gumdrops pacifiers

Source :doubledutymommy19.blogspot.com

Brooklyn wasn't too picky with her pacifiers; we had several different styles and she took anything. Emma was much more particular. We had bought a package of these and she used them a few times during her first few weeks. I bought another package of Gerber pacifiers that had a contoured nipple and she would choke and gag whenever we offered her one. I tried a Nuk, and she had the same reaction. Instant gagging and choking. Back to the rounded Gumdrop pacifier, and she latched on happily. They are the clear winner for this little girl!

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

6. Live Clean Baby products

Source: makeupandbeautyblog.com

I've tried it all, from Burt's Bees to fancy organic lines to Aveeno to Johnson's. And this stuff beats them all hands down. It's super gentle, smells great - SO MANY baby products smell like great grandma's perfume, why is that? and is natural. Best of all, it's very inexpensive - I get mine at Walmart and it's reguarly on sale too!



7. A good stroller

When Brook was born, we were given a hand me down travel system. It was fine, honestly, but I really wanted a stroller with big tires. Our little town has a lot of rough curbs and big pot holes and I also did a lot of walking on gravel and muddy roads and the travel system really struggled. It was also gosh darn ugly to boot. When a neighborhood cat decided to start peeing on it, that was the end for me. I could not get the cat pee smell out, so we bought a used sit and stand stroller. I loved it, but again it had tiny wheels and was so long that it was really awkward to steer, especially in the mall or a store.

I also had a double jogger stroller that was given to me 3rd or 4th hand. Last summer I finally just sold all three strollers, and bought a used Phil and Teds E3 with a doubles kit. It was almost $400 used, which seemed so silly to me for a stroller. But honestly, it was worth it. Every time I use it, I say "Thank GOD we finally have a good stroller." What a difference in how it pushes and steers!

I've talked to several other moms who have had similar experiences. They wasted hundreds of dollars buying different strollers trying to save money but never finding a good one. Then finally they bite the bullet and splurged on a high end stroller. In the long run, it would have been cheaper to just buy a high end stroller to begin with!

I highly recommend splurging on a good stroller, whether it is Phil and Ted's or not. I am a huge fan of buying used and making do with what you have, and with all the other baby gear (play pen, high chair, jolly jumper, toys, and clothes) aside from carseats. I still say that you get the most bang for your buck by purchasing gently used. But don't waste your breath on that $80 bargain stroller from Walmart - find a high end stroller on Craigslist or Kijiji and get it! You won't regret it, and you can re-sell it down the road for a good portion of what you paid for it.

Organizing Baby Things, Part 1

Babies come with a lot of stuff.


And they grow so fast - meaning almost as soon as you've organized one size of clothing, diapers, shoes, and hats suddenly overnight they have outgrown it and you are packing those things away and bringing out larger ones. It's a constant cycle.


And it's not only clothes! Babies go from swings and bouncy chairs to jolly jumpers and walkers. A highchair to a booster chair. Bottles to sippy cups, milk to solids . . . their first years seem to be a constant rotation of supplies and gear to meet their ever changing needs.


I thought I would do a series of posts sharing how I organize and store all of our baby things, and give you all of the little tips and tricks I have learned along the way!


Our first stop is Emma's dresser.

We opted for a long dresser instead of a changing table. I am still so grateful that we made that decision when buying our furniture during my first pregnancy four years ago: it has served us so well! A changing table is so limited in its use - before you know it, your toddler has become potty trained and suddenly your changing table has become a useless piece of expensive furniture and you now need to find a new place to store all of the things you had once stashed on its shelves.


Not so with a dresser. This piece can grow with Emma for the rest of her years growing up, or it can be repurposed somewhere else in our home down the line. It would make a great tv stand in our family room, or a buffet style server in the dining room. It could even function in the entryway as a place to store hats and scarves and drop our keys.


We topped the dresser with an inexpensive changing pad, and all of our diaper changing supplies are kept in the top left drawer so we can easily access everything we need without having a lot of clutter all over the top.

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

This drawer holds all of her diapers ( we use disposables until she can fit into our cloth diapers, more on that later) and anything else she might need during a diaper change or getting ready for the day. I keep Vaseline, a pair of baby nail scissors, baby lotions and diaper cream along with a pack of Scentsy Newborn Nursery wax that I use in her Scentsy warmer - it smells just like baby powder! There is also a stack of baby wash cloths that I get wet and use in place of disposable baby wipes. Much softer on her sensitive little tushie and cheap too!

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

The other top drawer holds all of her onesies on the far right. In the middle I have all of the hats that currently fit her at the back, and a stack of bibs at the front. It's never too early for bibs - I've learned they work great to protect her clothes from all of the dribbles and spills during feedings so I spend less time scrubbing out stains from around the neck of all of her outfits. On the left are some teeny tiny tights at the back, and in the front I cut down an instant oatmeal box to contain her tiny baby socks. Maybe not the prettiest storage solution, but I love cutting down empty food boxes to create my own drawer organizers because it's free and I am usually the only person to see the inside of my drawers anyway!

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

Below her diapers I store all of her clothes, which right now consists of about a dozen newborn size sleepers and two teeny tiny newborn dresses that she wears to church on Sundays. I cannot wait until she grows big enough for pants!!! 

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

Underneath her clothes are the receiving blankets. A whole drawer full of receiving blankets? Yes ma'am! These puppies are essential to me, especially during the first few months. I use them to swaddle her when she sleeps, to tuck around her in the carseat when we go out and a heavy blanket would be too warm, to drape over the carseat to keep the sun out, to lay down on the change pad to protect my white covers when I know she's had a big blowout. They make the perfect nursing covers too!

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

On the right side, I keep our cloth diapers. Emma is still so small that these diapers go up to her armpits, so we are using disposables until she grows a little more. I have a mix of Fuzzibunz and Bumgenius and I cannot say enough about how much we love our cloth diapers; I will do a post in the future all about them.

crumbsinmypurse.blogspot.com

Below that is a drawer full of blankets. I also keep her crib sheets and spare change pad covers at the back.

Stay tuned for more posts on organizing all of that baby gear! Up next - the diaper bag!

Tiny Baby, TONS of Stuff

Meet baby Emma! She graced us with an early arrival on February 11th, and we have been enjoying some much needed family time for the last few weeks. Our little peanut has been a very easy baby so far and I am enjoying being a momma to a newborn once again!


Along with a new baby though, comes new stuff. A LOT of new stuff.


Which is fun! I mean, who doesn't like opening presents? And getting out all of Brook's old baby things and reminiscing has been really special. I love having pink and purple take over my house!


But I am not a clutter person folks. I have a serious aversion to too much stuff. I am famous for walking around the house with a giant garbage bag and not stopping until it is full. We regularly take truckloads of things to our local thrift store and re-use shed at the local dump. My rule is, if I haven't used it in the last 6 months or I don't LOVE it - it goes. I am pretty ruthless in the clutter department.


So to have a constant stream of gift bags, dishes full of food, cards, and flowers comes along with a wee bit of anxiety for me. I appreciate each and every gift, don't get me wrong! But I cannot believe how much "Stuff" has moved into our house along with this tiny little 6 pound bundle.


The baby swing sitting in the middle of our living room, I can handle. The playpen taking up every square inch of free space in our bedroom, it's ok. The carseat and stroller now filling my entryway, whatever. But the stack of three dozen gift bags and the mountain of tissue paper - ACK! The row of empty casserole dishes and tupperware waiting to be given back to their generous owners - drives me nuts. The piles of special momentoes that I don't have a box to put in yet...eek!


Receiving blankets and pacifiers seem to be laying on every suface in the entire house, the laundry baskets are stuffed with tiny puke stained outfits, and the garbage cans are constantly overflowing between the diapers and all of the packaging and wrapping that has come into the house along with all of the new baby gear. Add in a giant  stack of thank you notes that permanently lives on my dining room table so that I can work on them whenever I get a spare minute, and a LOT more mess and clutter from the husband who is home on parental leave and I am ready to have a heart attack wherever I look.


I crave organization in a  bad way. A few days ago I even broke down into tears over how stressed out all this extra clutter was making me. My wonderful husband knew what I needed - not a nap or a massage. Just to clean.


He took the baby from me and kept Brook entertained while I had almost two glorious hours to myself, armed with Mrs. Meyers and a broom. I cleaned my kitchen, folded laundry, and took out the garbage. As much as I like a clean organized home, I usually don't actually enjoy the process of cleaning but this day every pair of socks I matched, every crumb I swept felt like therapy. The tightness in my chest disappeared with every dish I washed, and when I was done I finally felt like myself again.


I never want cleaning or organizing to come before my children. That old poem that says

                The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs: dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep

definitely has a point! My children will never remember if the sink was always full of dirty dishes, but they will remember the times I played with them. And the times I said I was too busy to read a story, or built a blanket fort. I want their memories to be filled with many, many more "yes" moments from their mommy than "no" ones. I don't ever want to be so consumed with the daily drudgeries of running a home that my children miss out on quality time with their mom. 

But I also feel like one of the best gifts I can give my children is a clean, organized home. Space to spread out and play, rather than a space that is crowded with too much clutter. A sofa that always has room for the whole family to crowd onto, not littered with magazines and blankets. Room to run without fear of tripping over things. Freedom to spread out, to create a mess where a mess wasn't already. To grow up with the calmness and peace that comes with being in a space that is also calm and peaceful. I also want to instill the lifeskills in them that come along with having an organized home - time management, responsibility, teamwork. 

It's a balancing act.

  I will continue to clean. I will always make time in my day to sweep the floors and sort the mail. I will still tell my daughter "Not now, honey, I am busy" sometimes when I am up to my elbows in dishwater or making dinner. But I will try to remember that sometimes, that "Not now" needs to be replaced with an "Of course!" and I will dry my hands on a dishtowel and let my frying pan sit until the dishwater has long gone cold because I am too busy playing dressup to care.

Hope for the Weary Mom

I discovered this book a few weeks ago, when a friend posted a link on Facebook to a free dowload (it was free for a weekend, I believe the ebook price is now $4.99) to a book. I downloaded it and forgot about it for a few days.

When I sat down and began to read it, I could not put it down. I read the entire thing in one sitting and I am halfway through my second read. This book speaks to me, right where I am in my life. It hits me. Convicts me. Challenges me and encourages me.

I am not usually a self help book sort of girl. And I don't really think of myself as one of those weary overwhelmed moms. I mean, yes, I am of course, all moms are to some degree, and you're lying if you say you aren't. But I am generally organized and have my stuff together. I don't struggle on a daily basis with feeling behind, overwhelmed, alone. Generally my days are calm and I feel like I am on top of things. Generally.

I always thought this kind of stuff was for "That" mom. You know, the one who has food splattered all over her  t shirt, hasn't showered in 3 days and is late for everything, dragging her kids behind her and yelling at them while they come behind her, noses dripping and wailing loudly.

I've never really identified with "that" mom. I am generally organized. I always shower in the mornings and take time to do my hair. I juggle my job with running a home and do a pretty good job of it, although I won't pretend I don't have dirty laundry piling up or a floor that needs to be vacuumed. I just don't generally walk around feeling like I am overwhelmed, like motherhood is too hard, or I am on the verge of a breakdown. I have my moments for sure, but if I don't feel like my life is out of control then why do I need this book? was my thinking when I started it. But my friend raved, so I read.

And read. And read. And every page was like a lightbulb moment.

It has truly changed the way I see motherhood, particularly my attitude about it as a whole.

The biggest thing I got out of this book was this...it was a question at the end of one of the chapters....(I'm paraphrasing here)

Do you realize that  God cares more about working in your heart than he does about changing your circumstances?

How much time do I spend, asking God to change things or fix things? Asking Him to take things away, make things easier...fix my problems. Instead I should be asking for the courage and strength to get through them...not asking God to take them away. He's never promised to take all the bad things in our lives away, but He has promised many times that He will be with us, give us rest and strength, guiding us and helping us.

He's waiting for us, here in our piles of laundry and our crusty dishes, to ask Him to come. He isn't waiting anxiously like a fairy godmother for us to ask Him to whisk away all of our mess, our tiredness, our work, our problems. He's waiting for us to ask Him to walk with us THROUGH it....to meet us in our mess. He wants to give us the energy we need to get that housework done. To bless us with patience we can't muster on our own to deal gently with our child's tantrums. To give us what we need to keep going after a night of no sleep.

I used to sometimes feel like I needed an escape. I'd sneak off to the grocery store by myself just to have some "me" time. I'd eat some chocolate, take a long bath after a hard day. But those things are just bandaids for what is really a heart problem. When I have a bad attitude toward my family, when I am tired of being the one to keep this house running, when I feel like I don't even have a minute to myself to think...a bath is not going to solve it. What I really need is to dive into God's Word and spend some time recharging. God is waiting to be asked, waiting to give. He can fill us with energy, patience, understanding. And even just plain old endurance beyond what we can muster on our own.

I find myself now, when I grumble about the supper dishes or find myself sighing over another household task...praying. Right away. Asking God to meet me here in my mess. And He always comes.