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Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth. Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing. Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, And His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him; bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting, And His faithfulness to all generations.
-Psalm 100
A week ago my heart was heavy. I was in the middle of a storm of life - I felt waves crashing over me on every side. Almost every aspect of my life was under some sort of stress or worry. My jaw was perpetually aching and I was popping Tylenol daily. My chest was always tight and I sometimes found myself gasping for breath or having to consciously take gulps of air in order to combat the feeling that I couldn't breathe. I was holding back tears all day long and laying awake most of the night.
How different this week feels!
Every one of my worries, every stress, every situation I lost sleep over has been resolved. My jaw is not longer aching and my chest has lost the feeling of tightness. I slept well last night for the first time in several weeks.
My heart feels light; my attitude is positive and my soul is singing.
Part of me also feels foolish. Why did I worry? When will I learn to place my trust completely in my Heavenly Father and leave my burdens at the cross instead of continually picking them back up again? He answered each one of my prayers and He took care of all the situations that I laid at His feet. So why did I lose sleep over them when He had it all under control? Why was my jaw aching and why did my dentist say I have ground my back teeth down significantly in the last 6 months?
Because I don't fully trust. I have gotten better at running to my Heavenly Father with my worries and my needs. I have learned to cast my cares, give my burdens up to Him and to turn to His Word as a source of comfort. But I haven't learned yet how to STAY in that place. How to rest in His peace when everything around me is falling apart. I keep going back to that cross and picking up my worries and trying to carry them on my own shoulders - thinking that I know better than God. Believing that He doesn't have my back, that He isn't going to come through so I'd better take matters into my own hands.
And all it does is leave me with worn down teeth, an aching jaw, a sick stomach and severely sleep deprived. When will I learn that I cannot do for myself what my Heavenly Father can? It's so hard to remember that His timing is not ours and that just because things aren't sorted out when I think they should be that He is still on His throne.
So today my spirit soars, and my soul is singing praises of thanksgiving. And I hope that next time the storm rages, I will be able to lay down my burdens at the cross and leave them there. He has it all under control, and there is no need for me to fight a battle that has already been won.
For this I am thankful.
