"What are you doing in there?"

I keep a journal. Not very well, but I do keep it. I go for weeks without writing anything, and other days I furiously scribble half a dozen pages. Whenever I feel like I have something on my heart that I want to remember or that I need to work out, I write it. Writing it out makes things that I want to remember "stick" better, and it helps me sort out my feelings and thoughts when they seem like nothing but a jumbled mess.

Yesterday I flipped through the last few months of writings.

I don't know how I missed it all this time. Every single entry had a common thread. Every single page was speaking to me about the same thing. Every quote I had copied down, every verse I wrote out, every note from every sermon I listened to.

All of it, read together in one continuous stream was such a powerful message FROM myself TO myself that I actually had to stop reading and take a break because my brain was on overload.

How many times I have complained that I felt like God was silent in my life lately. Like this is a season of nothing but waiting, learning to be content in my present circumstances.

And I was so wrong.

All this time, God has been whispering the same message to me over and over again and I have been missing it. Well, I partially heard I guess. Enough to think "that's interesting" and write it down, but I never actually GOT what God was saying to me.

I'm going to try to share what I found in the pages of my journal. Forgive me if it is a bit rambly and doesn't make sense. It makes sense to me and that's what matters most.



God is calling me out.

For so long, I have felt depressed and sad. Stuck. Stuck is the perfect word.  Stuck in a phase of life that is hard. The days are long. Spinning my wheels in several different areas of my life where I WANT to move forward, make progress, and CHANGE. But I felt like God was telling me to wait and be patient.

Why did I think that? He was clearly telling me otherwise.

I was listening to a sermon this morning that summed it up beautifully. When life gets overwhelming, we always run. Sometimes we run into the arms of our heavenly Father and other times we retreat into our cave.

I've been hiding in my cave, and God has been standing at the entrance calling me out.

Elijah did it in 1 Kings chapter 19.

"There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and He said to him, What are you doing here, Elijah?"

Earlier in the chapter we learn that Elijah was afraid for his life. He ran and hid in a cave. He didn't trust his God to keep him safe, and instead went running deep into a cave. Until God came and stood at the mouth of the cave and asked him "What are you doing here?" and called him out.

David hid in a cave too. 1 Samuel chapter 22

"David departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam."

David was running scared from King Saul. He didn't trust God to keep him safe or to guide his steps, so instead he hid. And when he left the cave he only did so he could hide in the stronghold of Mizpeh. Only when the prophet Gad said "Do not remain in the stronghold; depart" did he finally get up the courage to come out of hiding.

Your cave is probably different than my cave, but we all have them. Your cave might be some form of addiction. It might be an attitude you carry around like a backpack. Your cave is whatever you run to when you are not OK. It's your substitute for God - whether it's that brownie you stuff into your mouth after a stressful phone call or that impulse you have to pull into the nearest shopping mall when you have a bad day. A shopping mall can be a cave. Alcohol can be a cave. Food can be a cave.

I've been in a cave, of sorts, for a long time. And God has been standing at the entrance saying "Why are you hiding in there? Why are you afraid? Don't you know I've got this? Come to me, my arms are where you need to run. Don't run farther away from me when life get hard, run TO me. I'm out here waiting for you but you have to come out of the cave first."

My journal is evidence of what God has been trying to tell me. Telling me to stop hiding and trust him, run to my heavenly Father who is ON MY SIDE.

Here are some snippets. . .

-God has good plans for me and my future. He is faithful even when I'm not

-So we can say with confidence, the Lord is my help. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Hebrews 13:6

-The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in You, for You O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:9-10

-It is God's very nature to give to His children. Do nott doubt for a moment that He is a giving God with a heart that looks to bless, encourage, empower, and love you.

-Shake off complacency. God wants to lead and guide you. He wants to prompt you about what to do and what not to do (quote from Joyce Meyer)

-Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

-Don't mistake God's patience for His absence. His timing is perfect and His presence is constant.



It goes on and on. God was repeatedly drawing my attention to the same message . . . turn to Him. Stop running, stop hiding and just turn to Him. Step out of the cave and be bold. Throw off complacency and start moving forward. Be bold! Quit running into the shadows and step into the light.

So this week I am committing to stop just writing down verses and nodding my head in agreement to powerful sermons. this week I am grabbing hold of His promises with both hands and stepping out of the cave.

It might be a little bit scary. Our cave is what we like to fall back on when life gets rough. Without our cave we lose our coping mechanism, our security blanket. But I know I am replacing my security blanket with something much better.

I'm stepping out of my cave.

And into the arms of my Father.