I wish

"I wish I could get the flu so I could have a break."

I seriously thought this today.

What is wrong with me?

I think I am just tired and overwhelmed with life right now. At least, I hope that is all because otherwise that sort of thought is just crazy.

The mister called me today. JUST as the kids had finally gone to sleep for a nap, and I had tip toed away and begun to wash the mountain of dishes from this morning. Elbows deep in dishwater, the phone rings and I have to dry my hands to answer it, only to hear "I don't feel very well so I'm on my way home."

And I was jealous.

He spent the afternoon on our bed, sipping ginger ale and playing on his phone.

I spent it working hard, like always, downstairs.

Now I know he was truly sick. And I do feel bad for him. But I was totally jealous. And I kept thinking how nice it would be to get the flu so that I could spend a whole day laying around with nothing better to do than take naps and play Angry Birds.

But I don't REALLY want to get sick. I have too much to do. If I have to call in sick, that means I have to give back a day's wages to my daycare clients. Yeah, who likes to fork over a day's wages because you dared to get the flu? And we have a big weekend coming up that I cannot afford to miss.

So I spent the evening making dinner, running errands at the store, giving Brook a bath and tucking her in. Reading "just one more story" and then getting up to fill her water bottle, tuck her in one more time, and tell her to get back into bed because she most certainly does NOT need to wear her tiara to fall asleep.

Once she was finally settled, I circled the house armed with clorox wipes and a bad attitude. I was mad. I wasn't mad at the poor sick man on my bed, I was just mad. Mad that he ALWAYS is the one getting sick and staying home. I swear he catches every sickness that goes around, and he has so many sick days banked up that a mild case of the sniffles is cause to take 2 days off work to recover. I have NEVER in 4 years taken a sick day. I've been sick, yes, but I just worked through it.

I just feel like I am always the one left standing. Everyone else gets to take personal days. Curl up on the couch every time they have a fever and watch trashy tv until they feel better. And I am always the one nursing and cleaning and keeping the house running while they are down for the count.

Just once I almost wish I could throw responsibility out the window and actually rest when I get sick.

I probably will get this stupid flu. Even after cloroxing every surface I could think of and shreaking "Get back!" every time the mister emerged from the bedroom where he is quaraintined.

But will I take a day off? Nope. Because we can't afford it. And the world would stop spinning and everything would crash and burn and my life would fall apart if I risked spending a day on the couch and calling in sick.